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My Diet Rules to Help a Picky Eater

Over the years, I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how I get my kids to eat healthy. In the beginning, my family was very difficult to have picky people. I wanted a way to create better eating habits and encourage family meals.

After reevaluating my family’s attitude toward food (and through trial and error), I discovered some “food rules.” This adjustment in the way we looked at food and eating, as well as getting my kids more involved, has worked well for us.

If you struggle with picky eaters, start by looking at your family’s eating habits. Offering a variety of foods will help establish good eating habits. However, having some guidelines about what to eat and when to eat will help to change the way they eat. And it will make the time you spend at the table more enjoyable!

Why We Have It Select Eaters?

Often, parents assume that their children won’t eat or like certain foods – even if they haven’t complained (or even tried!) about certain foods before. There is a perception that “kid-friendly” foods such as chicken nuggets, sandwiches, and prepackaged snacks are all they want to eat. So we are reluctant to introduce different foods because we are afraid that our children will not like it.

If a child’s diet always consists of this type of food, he is missing out on the important nutrients of a varied, well-rounded diet.

I also realized that the attitude we teach our children about food is just as important as the food choices we give them. When I visited other countries, I saw a big difference in the way children ask, eat, and behave when they eat.

I definitely think that the food we market and prepare for our children in the US needs to change. But, I think it’s just as important to change the way our kids (and us!) think about food.

7 Tips to Help Overcome Special Diets

As I became aware of my family’s attitude towards food that needed to change, I began to incorporate the ideas of other cultures. I saw my French mother’s family eat a variety of foods, they were not picky, and they were thin by nature. I started using these ideas with my kids, and the difference has been amazing.

These are our “Dietary Laws”, although the name is a bit misleading. These are not hard and fast rules that make dinner times more problematic. Rather, these are guidelines about how children should act in food-related situations. These “rules” are best taught by example and practiced as a family rather than with an iron fist (or wooden spoon).

1. No Complaints About Food

At home, children (and adults) are not allowed to complain about food. This does not mean that they are forced to eat at every meal. But it means that talking bad about food is not allowed.

The first function of food is to nourish. It’s not for fun. This is an important thing to teach children. Furthermore, complaining about the food is disrespectful to the person who cooked it and shows a closed mind. Negative comments about certain foods can spread quickly and are difficult to reverse, especially with many children. So it is better to leave this completely!

No one is forced to eat if they are not hungry (see Rule #6). But everyone should stay together and interact with a positive attitude. Those who persist in a negative attitude can go to bed.

2. Food Is Not a Reward (or Punishment)

To help create a neutral attitude towards food, I never use it as a reward or punishment. I want to prevent my children from creating an emotional connection with food. Because, remember, the first function of food is to eat, not to entertain.

Many of us (myself included!) have an emotional connection to certain foods. Or we feel the urge to eat certain things in emotional situations. How many times have you reached for a snack when you were feeling sad, stressed, happy, or lonely?

This is also known as emotional eating. I want to avoid this with my children, especially with the obesity rate in children. Therefore, it is important not to create an association between food (especially unhealthy) and emotions.

To that end, I don’t use food as a bribe or reward for good behavior (although I’m not perfect at this!). And I don’t highlight certain foods for birthdays or other special occasions. Instead, I focus on the experience. For example, we will go to the zoo instead of having birthday cake and sugary snacks.

As such, I do not treat food as punishment, or associate it with punishment. I wouldn’t say, “You’ve got to eat the plant that has your darkest color or you’re in trouble.” Although I don’t allow my children to complain about food (see Rule #1), a negative attitude is addressed, not an action related to food.

3. Eating is a Good Family Activity

Eating food as a family at the dinner table is not easy. But it is very important for everyone in the family! The habit of eating on the go and while watching TV contributes to a negative attitude towards food. For this reason, I work hard to eat our meals (especially breakfast and dinner) together as a family whenever possible.

Everyone comes to the table with a positive attitude (see Rule #1). If they choose not to eat, they can sit and enjoy the conversation. This improves our family time and makes it less about eating and more about bonding.

As we eat, I focus on having calm conversations to reduce stress at the table. We talk about the things we are grateful for, that made us laugh. This creates space to eat slowly and carefully. And it helps increase their well-being by eating in a less stressful situation.

4. Get the Kids Involved

This is great for helping kids get more interested in food, especially new food! Children of all ages can participate greatly in this process. And when children are involved, it gives them a chance to try new things. Added bonus: they’ll learn to plan and cook meals when they go out on their own!

From the time my children were young, as young as 2 years old, I was self-help. At the grocery store or farmer’s market, you can talk about different foods and ask them to pick out something new to try. I always make an effort to explain why certain types of food are nutritious and how they benefit the body (see Rule #7).

Children can also help with meal planning, food preparation, table setting, and cleaning. I love this tutorial from my friend Katie Kimball, Kids Cook Real Food. She offers age-appropriate lessons and even has a small lesson for younger children! It’s a great solution to help prevent (or treat!) a picky eater.

5. Try, Try again

At home, the whole family eats the same thing at every meal. Children do not get special “kid-friendly” food. As soon as they can eat solid food, they get small pieces of what we all eat. This situation encourages them to eat what is served and avoid food fights. If I feed an unusual or new food, I don’t do anything about it. I just present it with a good idea and think they will eat it.

They get one small meal per serving (one bean, sweet potato and a piece of chicken). When they finish one bite at a time, they can ask for more.

If they don’t like the food or ask for more, I reassure them. I explain that it is okay as long as they are willing to try it every time. I explain that one day (when they are older), their tastes and food preferences may change and they may like food. They are not forced to eat large amounts of food that they don’t really like. But I worship again and again and hope that they keep trying.

6. Hunger is OK

In our house, we don’t see hunger as a bad thing and we always try to fix it. I know people who have completely lost their natural sense of hunger because of constant access to food.

It’s perfectly natural (and expected) to be hungry before eating. Children who are at least partially hungry tend to be happy people and tend to overeat at mealtimes. For this reason, I try to limit snack times and make sure they happen well before meals. There is no need to practice eating continuously.

Normal hunger at mealtimes encourages children to eat what is served. It also helps them to want to eat enough to avoid getting hungry too soon. At the same time, a child who complains and is kicked out of the dinner table to get ready for bed (see Rule #1) quickly learns to have a positive attitude. It never took my kids more than two nights of missing family dinners to get an improved perspective.

7. Focus on Nutritious Food

I noticed that my mother (and the French in general) eat very good food. They enjoy it more and worry less about it (generally). To help make all of the above “rules” easy to apply, I focus on cooking nutritious, rich meals from scratch. We include bone broth, blue cheese, homemade sauces (with butter or cream), high-quality meat, eggs, and egg-based foods like hollandaise sauce every day.

My children are fed a balanced diet after eating an omelette filled with meat and vegetables and topped with hollandaise. But they also found an increase in beneficial fats (unlike the cereal bowl).

Although it is time consuming, I appreciate home cooked and nutritious food. So, I cook from scratch most days, but I also cook in batches on the weekends. This saves a lot of time and prepares us for the week. And because the kids help (see Rule #4), it saves me time now that they’re older.

Changing my family’s diet has been a process. But it’s one of the best to turn picky eaters into healthy eaters! As you begin this journey, remember that you are the best role model for your children. They watch your relationship with food and how you react. Junk food will soon be a thing of the past!

Is it your family fight or your kids eating them? How do you treat a picky eater? Share your tips below!


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